Archive for the 'sometimes I'm a loser' Category

Damn, I don’t know this song either

Published July 28, 2008 in Awww...HU!, BOOOOOO!, Uncategorized, good music, i hate it, probably a big mistake, sometimes I'm a loser and those were the days. 3 Comments

So I wasn’t working this past weekend and got a chance to be ‘normal’ ;) and hang with some of my friends. Hooray! On Friday nite, me and my friend Kellz went out to a club. I put on a dress and heels and we got to the club before it was real packed and set up shop on the first floor by the bar.

Perfect.

The music was great. They were playing a lot of old school hip hop and R&B, some Chaka… a little Tribe. We were having a great time. We even spotted an S-Curl and I made Kellz pretend I was taking a picture of her so old boy wouldn’t know we were clowning him…

Big fun.

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After about an hour, we went upstairs to the second level. And as we were standing on the outskirts of the dance floor watching folks get their dance on, I slowly began to realize that I didn’t know any of the music the DJ was playing. You know that “Awwwwww, s—! That’s my joint / Woooooo!” sound that happens right after the DJ plays the first few notes of a club banger??? Well I heard it repeatedly… I saw the hands go up in the air. But I didn’t recognize any of the songs.

How the hell did this happen?

I consciously stopped listening to urban contemporary radio stations several years ago — not because I don’t like hip hop — but because I *do.* And what passes for hip hop and R&B on the radio these days sickens me. I prefer to read reviews and forums, find artists that I like and buy/download their music myself. But even so, the ignorance that floods the airwaves has always found a way to somehow seep into my consciousness. Thru commercials or MTV or something… Last Friday however, I literally knew none of the songs that were played in like a 20-minute period.

What are you supposed to do in a situation like that? Should you just throw your hands up in the air when everyone else does and pretend like you like the raggedy-ass ‘music’ that’s playing (as one friend suggested)? Or do you just acknowledge the fact that you’re over it and look for a comfy seat?

I opted for option #2.

Overall I enjoyed myself that nite but I spent the last half hour we were there texting a friend of mine who was being equally lame at another club…

My how times change… Continue reading ‘Damn, I don’t know this song either’

Priority Shift

Published July 22, 2008 in BOOOOOO!, I couldn't make this stuff up, i hate it, lesson and sometimes I'm a loser. 0 Comments

So I just got back from a great week at the Funnybone in Virginia Beach. I did a little shopping, a little relaxing, worked with great people in a great room, and the check cleared. You can’t ask for much more.

Also while I was down there, I re-evaluated and re-ordered the must-have characteristics I need in a potential mate.

Here’s the background: Thursday nite after the show I went back to the comics’ condo, which is a very neat, very clean garden style unit. But because its a garden apartment, the front door opens right to the outside. I put the key in the door and then realized that there was a huge flying/hopping ’croach’ thingy (wasn’t sure if it was a cricket or a roach) on the door. I totally freaked because I am paralyzed by bugs. Anyone who knows me well already marvels at how I was able to live in that little basement apartment in the hood for 8 years.

Tylenol PM and Benadryl is how. You’re not worried about croaches when you see unicorns…. But I digress.

I literally was so tired and buzzed all I wanted was to crawl in the bed. But I was frozen. I called the headliner who is a friend of mine and was like, “Could you stay on the phone with me until this croach dies?” He humored me for about three minutes. We talked about how if hell was a personal hell customized for each of us what would be in each of ours… And we determined that mine would be full of croaches and other pests, octopus/pi or anything else with tentacles, that scene from the Matrix when they put that tracker thing into Neo’s belly would be playing on an eternal loop … and there would be black olives everywhere … I HATE black olives.

After he wished me well and got off the phone I still couldn’t go in. It wasn’t a matter of just opening and closing the door really quickly… because I didn’t know if it was a cricket or a roach. How fast was it? That’s need-to-know info. Because where it was positioned on the door if I opened the door it was literally going to BE inside… What to do?

So I called my buddy Dawan. He’ll humor me I thought… Plus he’s in LA so its not so late. He talked me thru it. Told me to break off a piece of the crepe myrtle outside and brush it off the door. But just as I pulled the branch, he was like, “Make sure there’s no bugs on the branch.” I threw it and screamed. I hadn’t thought of that…

Eventually he convinced me to pick up the branch and brush the croach off the door. I did it and I exhaled… but then it ran back to the door at lightning speed.

Roach for sure.

Finally after a while I was so delirious, I just held my breath and chanced it. I got in, shut the door behind me and stood still for like 10 seconds to make sure it didn’t make it in. I was safe.

It wasn’t til then that D laughed at me and said how rich we would be if I had been recording the incident. We’d be Youtube stars. He’s a good friend. The best… But it got me to thinking… ‘Croach killer’ was not on my list of must-haves in a man. Stability, trustworthiness, great sense of humor… All those things are great. But no matter how much I love you, we can’t both be standing on the sofa scared of a damn spider… I need to add it to my list and move it towards the top.

So thanks Virginia Beach for the much-needed priority shift, and the new bit ;)

Friends… Finally. ;)

Published June 22, 2008 in Uncategorized, good music, i heart it and sometimes I'm a loser. 2 Comments

So back in April I wrote this blog about how I wasn’t able to add Rahsaan Patterson — one of my favorite singers in the world — as a friend on Myspace. His profile said he didn’t accept comedians, blah blah, blah… It was an admittedly lame blog. But it was also an EFFECTIVE blog… Because on Wednesday, I got an e-mail from one Rahsaan Patterson saying that he read my blog, changed his privacy settings and could accept me now as a friend. Yeee-haw!!!

Thanks to one of my girlfriends who apparently brought this issue to his attention, I received the following e-mail from him… You don’t get the whole thing — just the highlights ;) :

so, a friend of yours sent me a message today.
she mentioned you were not accepted as a friend on my page.
a few weeks ago someone else sent a message saying, a friend of theirs, who is also a comedian wasn’t accepted also.
i went to my settings, saw they were somehow not fixed to accept requests from comedians, and i changed it.

sorry for the mishap and THANKS so much for buying my music….well at least 3 of them. ;)

if you tell me which one you don’t have i’ll have it mailed to you. :)

peace.

rahsaan

Cool huh?

The internet is magic ;) What a nice guy… Thanks Rahsaan!

Buy his albums!!!

My Love Affair with P. Sway

Published June 3, 2008 in New Jersey, awesome stuff, good music, i heart it and sometimes I'm a loser. 3 Comments

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“This is MY dance space. This is YOUR dance space. I don’t go into yours, you don’t go into mine. You’ve got to hold the frame.”

This scene where Johnny says this to Baby is the No. 1 reason why Dirty Dancing is my favorite movie of all time.

Followed by these other gems:

“You just put your pickle on everybody’s plate college boy and leave the hard stuff to me.”

“I didn’t spend all summer long toasting bagels just to bail out some little chick who probably balled every guy in the place.”

“I carried a watermelon.”

“It’s not on the one. It’s not the mambo. It’s a feeling… a heartbeat.”

“Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.”

Yeah… I know what you’re thinking… and I agree.

I remember the first time I saw this cinematic masterpiece. I was in 4th grade. It was a sleepover at Alissa Horn’s house, and we TOTALLY weren’t supposed to be watching it — what with all the ‘adult content’. But we were sneaky, and late at night Alissa woke us all up and popped the tape into the VCR.

It was a life-changing moment. I fell in heart with Patrick Swazye (P. Sway is what I call him) in the MOST inappropriate way. And then he had the nerve to go and make Ghost – I was sure he was the love of my life. So blinded was I that I sat thru films such as Roadhouse and To Wong Foo with absolutely zero judgement for my man.

My heart still flutters every time I hear ‘Hungry Eyes’.

I may never love like this again I know. Here’s to you P Sway.

What did YOU do this weekend? I solved a crime.

Published May 24, 2008 in awesome stuff, i heart it and sometimes I'm a loser. 0 Comments

Yay! So last nite I took BFF Kellz to a murder mystery dinner theatre to celebrate her birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLZ!!!

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Yes I know. I’m old. But we were both really looking forward to it. From everything I’ve ever seen or heard about dinner theatre, I expected it to be kinda cheesy. And Blair Mansion Inn did not disappoint. That is not to say that we didn’t really enjoy ourselves. We did! Me and Kellz are kinda cheesy too ;)

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We got there around 6:30 for drinks and ordervs (I refuse to Google to find the correct spelling of that word. I’m comfortable with the afore-typed ignorance). Then came the dinner buffet. We each ordered a glass of Riesling and waited for the show to start. 

The crowd was really interesting. There was a group of recovering military and staff from Walter Reed Army Hospital there, some senior citizens, a table in the corner that looked like the Negro Last Supper, a family with a little kid (who totally didn’t get the spank-the-monkey reference made by one of the ‘actors’ but laughed just the same), a woman from Sri Lanka, a couple from Budapest (they were ‘hungary’ — not my joke).

Here’s a synopsis of the play we saw –  Three Strikes & You’re Dead:

The Maryland Crabballs, holding a strong last place position in the Virtual Baseball League (VBL), Is proud to announce a major acquisition to its starting line-up. Jose Canstriko, the league’s all-star center fielder will be joining the Balls, effective immediately. Excited at the prospect, young billionaire owner B.O. Smelly has commented that “Jose will be a valuable new member to our baseball family”. The team manager, Major Constance Strain, is somewhat concerned that this addition to the roster could disrupt his plans for the team, which is lead by its’ current center fielder, Willie Daze. Willie is accompanied by his overbearing wife, Stormy Daze, who’s here to protect her investment….namely Willie’s million dollar contract. Hopefully, Willie’s agent, Anita Deal, can pull some strings and get him a better contract.

The question is, when the dust clears and it’s all on the line, will the outcome be “fair” or will it be a strike out—in the most permanent manner? Namely, Dead.

You be the judge……

Yeah, I know ;)

Jose died at the table next to us — with the hungary couple.

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Getting rid of the evidence….

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Did the compulsive gambling team manager do it?

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Who knows?…

I liked that the show was interactive. We were encouraged to talk to the actors, which, as a stand-up, is weird at first… You kinda don’t want to interact because it feels a hell of a lot like heckling, but then you realize that’s what makes the show. By the end I was just shouting stuff out. It was like payback therapy. I hearted it ;)

In the end, Detective Justin Case helped us to examine the clues and determine who the murderer was…

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TA DA!!!! I won’t spoil it for those of you who are just dying to see this show. I would totally do it again. It was just like I thought it would be and that was fine with me. I recommend it — more for the experience than the theater.

Two thumbs up.

EJ Out.

Why won’t you be my friend, Rahsaan Patterson?

Published April 7, 2008 in good music, schizoprenia and sometimes I'm a loser. 6 Comments

OK… so I understand that what I’m about to write is extremely corny and that it should embarrass me.

It doesn’t. But I understand why it should.

And I understand that everyone doesn’t use Myspace for self-promotion. Even famous people. Some folks use it just to stay in touch with people they already know.

Totally get it.

But one of my favorite singers doesn’t accept friend requests from comedians and doesn’t allow messages from people he’s not friends with. Which leads me to believe that he actually manages his own page. All the more reason for me to want to send him the message I spent nearly 20 minutes drafting prior to being brickwalled by his privacy settings. I reference him in my ‘Music Interests’ section on my page… I own every single one of his albums, and I actually bought all but one of them (just being honest — sista is on a budget). And I refuse to allow myself to consider the fact that he doesn’t care that I heart him because… well because that would be awful.

So in the wake of the worst Myspace catch-22 ever, here’s my question — How do I get Rahsaan Patterson to be my friend? And does my burning (yes, burning) desire to make him my Myspace friend mean that I’m a huge loser?

(Please note that I only really want an answer to the first part of that question.)

I’m a good friend, Rahsaan. Really I am.

Also the message that comes up on Myspace… “Rahsaan Patterson does not accept friend requests from ‘comedians’” really made me feel like no matter what my page category was, he’d still deny me. Seriously, in my head, I just imagined a nice pleasant operator voice saying, “We’re sorry. Rahsaan Patterson does not accept friend requests from…” And then some really harsh computer generated monster robot voice saying “Co-me-di-ans.” I feel like if my page was categorized as ‘puppies and angels’ it still would have denied me :(

Pleasant operator lady: We’re sorry. Rahsaan Patterson does not accept friend requests from…

Mean monster robot madlib-filler-inner: PUP-PIES and AN-GELS OR ANY-THING ELSE YOU COME UP WITH SO WHY DON’T U GET A LIFE E-RIN JACK-SON.

OK, I’m gonna go try and muster up some self esteem.

EJ. Out.

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