my mom is funnier than me
From the Blog to the Stage: Blind Faith in Oprah
Jul 9th
So I’m not sure this deserves a place in the act permanently, but I blogged about my mother’s blind faith in Oprah a few weeks ago here. And I talked about it for the first time on stage last nite at the Funny Bone in Richmond. Good for a quick laugh I hope!
The Book of Oprah
Jun 4th
So… my mom has her cell phone hooked up via bluetooth thru the speakers in her car. But after learning about the No Phone Zone pledge and fearing the wrath of Oprah (as so many of us do) she called me to ask if it was still “OK” for her to use it.
“Oprah said we can’t hold the phone but she didn’t say we couldn’t talk into a speaker. That’s like talking to someone in the passenger seat. Oprah didn’t say we couldn’t talk people in the passenger seat, did she?”
Oh the hilarity… I laughed so hard.
But so many people I know have made the pledge not to text while driving, etc. because of Lady O. Just yesterday my best friend told me that whenever she’s driving in the car with her husband and she reaches for the phone he just says “Oprah” and she drops it like a hot potato. It’s kind of a shame that it took Oprah Winfrey telling us to for so many people to start obeying this law. I am (was) guilty of it myself. I spend a lot of time driving, but I have vowed to pull to the side of the road if there’s something I need to respond to immediately.
I don’t know what we’re gonna do when Oprah goes off the air… Who will encourage us to obey the law then? I shudder at the thought.
Stop… Hamid Time!!!
Apr 8th
My mom called me up 2 nights ago while she was watching MSNBC to ask me why Hamid Karzai “wears those Hammer pants all the time? Is that a Muslim thing?”
Ummmmm…
Pretty sure I just lost consciousness there for a second. My mom is out of control. I literally couldn’t do my job without her.
P.S. The title for this blog came from the hilarious Sheila Robinson. Thanks girl for making me laugh out loud on the regular!
A mother’s threat
Jan 12th
The other day my mom sent me one of those e-mail forwards that is supposed to warn women about some awful new threat to keep them safe. I’ve tried to discourage (that’s putting it lightly) everyone in my life from sending me forwards of any kind. But my mom thought that this one warranted reading — it was about a man who told a woman she dropped money so she’d open her car door late at night at a gas station. I’ve seen this e-mail numerous times over the past couple years. But she wanted me to confirm to her that I’d read it — just in case it wasn’t a hoax. Below is the thread of our e-mail convo:
—– Original Message —–
From: Linda Jackson
To: Me
Subject: Please Read This For Me…Your Mom
Sent: Jan 9, 2010 08:39:14 AMErin,
You travel so much, and often at night…I just wanted you to read this,because (even if it is one of those hokey…too much time on your hand…stop sending me emails) its possible..read it PLEASE…M.Subject: A RAPIST’S NEW TRICK…
===================================
From: Erin Jackson
To: xxxxxxxx@verizon.net
Sent: Saturday, January 09, 2010 10:00 AM
Subject: Re: Please Read This For Me…Your Momjust wanted to let you know i read this. 3 years ago ;) hahaha. But thanks, and rest assured, this would never happen to me b/c I haven’t carried cash since the nineties ;)
===================================
From: Linda Jackson
To: Me
Subject: Please Read This For Me…Your Mom
Sent: Jan 9, 2010 03:05:45 PMOK Miss Smart —, don’t come up kidnapped or raped…or you’re gonna have HELL to pay!
love,
M
I think it’s important to point out that she censored the smart ‘ass’ not me.
Guess if I come up assaulted, she’s gonna kick my ass. That’s my mama! Too funny. ;)
Is nothing sacred?
Jun 28th
Yesterday morning I was on the phone with my mom trying to help her reconnect to her Wi-Fi at home. My dad had borrowed her laptop for travel and she didn’t know how to get back online… Any Gen-X’er who has ever tried to explain computer functionality and/or the Internet to their folks has certainly felt my pain. I know I should be more understanding, but it’s something I have very little patience for because it’s such a no-brainer to me… Anyway, getting to the point, I posted the following update on Twitter:
Well…
She somehow found it and e-mailed me. Here is the exchange that ensued:
——Original Message——
From: Linda Jackson
To: Me
Subject: Don ‘t Be Talkin”Bout me on da web
Sent: Jun 27, 2009 1:53 PMWalking my mom through her computer problems might be the most frustrating thing I’ve ever done. I love her ’cause she made me, but DAMN… about 5 hours ago from web
===================================
From: <EJ@erinjackson.net>
To: “Linda Jackson” <xxxxxxxx@verizon.net>
Sent: Saturday, June 27, 2009 4:02 PM
Subject: Re: Don ‘t Be Talkin;”Bout me on da webHow did you find that? Hahaha… I said I loved you
===================================
From: Linda Jackson
To: Me
Subject: Re: Don ‘t Be Talkin”Bout me on da web
Sent: Jun 27, 2009 4:03 PMDO YOU THINK THAT JUS’ ‘KOZ I PLAY DUM…I REALLY AM?
ha ha ha!
I thought it was hilarious that she called me out. I didn’t even know my mom knew what Twitter was. I guess that’s it for online venting about family. I never imagined my mom logging onto a social networking site, but I guess the days of innocence are over.
Exhale.
She never ceases to amaze me.
LOL, wigs, and another reason why my mom is awesome
Apr 1st
I love my mom.
In addition to being the greatest mommy I’ve ever had, she is the comedic gift that keeps on giving. Today’s maternal hilarity comes courtesy of the charitable organization Locks of Love. If you’re not familiar with the organization they take donations of hair (10 inches minimum) in order to make wigs for people who are suffering from long term medical hair loss as a result of conditions such as alopecia and cancer.
My mom learned about L.O.L. on TV and decided that she wanted donate her hair. She’s been growing it for over a year. She talks all the time about the temptation to cut it because she likes her hair shorter, but she hasn’t done it because she was committed to growing her hair long enough for the donation.
All good so far, right?
Well, as my mom’s hair is pretty long now, she decided to check out the website for the submission guidelines — exactly how you collect the hair and send it in… and she learned that L.O.L. is only for children 18 and under.
Well, what’s the problem with that, Erin?
Glad you asked. Let’s see if you can figure it out for yourself. Below is a photo of me and my mom:
Me and my favorite girl
Why my mom is awesome and also it’s my birthday
Mar 24th
People often ask me where I get my sense of humor — if my parents are funny, what kind of household I grew up in… Below is the card and present my mom sent me for my birthday. And I’m gonna let you be the judge:
Notice her 'revisions'
She did not bother to buy a “from us” card. Not Linda Carol. She made one. And that is awesome! I’m gonna excuse the fact that her ‘editing’ resulted in some bad grammar (where we am) because it is hilarious ;)
I already told y'all my middle name is Rashida, so no need to comment on that.
This part isn’t actually that funny. It’s kind of become a little tradition of ours. She sent me a check for 31 dollars because I am turning 31. Last year she sent me 30 roses… you get the picture. My mom’s hilarious. Even when she doesn’t mean to be.
Love you Mommy. Thanks for making me! Oh yeah, and Daddy too ;)
Your mom doesn’t want to hear jokes about your sex life, even if the joke is that you don’t have one…
May 30th
It’s true.
I know cause I sent my mom the link to my Live at Gotham preview (http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=167549) the other day, and she never responded to the e-mail. Her only daughter on TV… almost… and she has no comment. Strange-o, huh?
I thought so, so I called her and was like, “Hey, Ma. Did you watch that video clip I sent you?” And she said, “Yes.” And I said, “Well what did you think?” And she says, “Who did your makeup? It looked good.”
Ummm… was that an answer to the question? Me thinks not.
So then I said, “They had professional makeup people there. What did you think of the clip, though?” And then she said, “They liked it.” Of course since you were not privy to her tone, I feel the need to clarify that ‘they’ is a reference to the club full of heathens that laughed at a joke about me not having sex and the virgin birth.
Whatevs, Ma. You gotta loosen up.
Her selective prudishness cracks me up sometimes… That’s why I took complete pleasure in catching her off guard this afternoon. IÂ got my tax stimulus check in the mail and called to tell her (I was under the assumption that I wasn’t gonna get one at all). Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: Guess what, Ma?
My Ma: What?
Me: I got stimulated
My Ma (almost inaudibly): Oh… OK. By what…?
Me: Haha… I mean I got my tax stimulus check from the IRS.
My Ma: Oh good, because I didn’t know how to respond to that.
I heart her. THE END
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