Archive for the 'lesson' Category

Good people

Published August 21, 2008 in 5 things that made me smile, beautiful black people, i heart it, lesson and they're not all gonna be funny. 1 Comment

Every now and then something happens that reaffirms my belief that people are good.

I had a show last nite in Charlottesville, VA. I parked my car in a parking deck in DC yesterday afternoon, and when I came back to the car to leave for my show, the parking lot attendant told me that I had a flat tire.

Inconvenient? Yes. But I’ve changed dozens of flat tires, so it wasn’t a huge problem. I asked her if the car was in a spot where I had room to jack it up and she said yes. Cool. So the man who parks the cars walked me down into the garage and I popped my trunk and pulled out my spare… only to realize that it was flat. I then remembered how I had a flat last winter and never took my spare to be fixed. Typical me.

But what to do?

I didn’t panic or have a cussing fit because there really wasn’t anything I could do about the situation. It was too late to try and get it to a garage and have it fixed because they would be closing for the day. I can count on 1, maybe 2 fingers the number of shows I’ve had to cancel on really short notice. And I absolutely hate to do it. But sometimes things happen.

I called the guy who booked the show I was headed to and told him there was no way I was gonna be able to get my tire(s) fixed and make it to Charlottesville in time for the show. And just as I was about to go call a tow truck, the parking lot employee who walked me down into the garage offered to lend me his donut.

Who DOES that?

I’ll tell you who. No one. Continue reading ‘Good people’

Thicker skin

Published August 16, 2008 in lesson, live your dream and motivation. 1 Comment

The other nite at Nationals Park, I had a reporter ask my opinion on what the hardest or worst (I can’t remember exactly how she phrased the question) thing about comedy was. And my answer was that for me the hardest thing and the best, most awesome thing about comedy are one in the same.

Having to define and prove yourself on a nightly, shit, a minute-by-minute basis is not an easy thing to do. But it’s also what keeps you on your toes, working hard to get better, write better stuff… The 10:00 crowd doesn’t give a damn if you crushed at 8:00. If I can quote my favorite Miss Jackson, it’s a very “what have you done for me lately” kind of thing. But its also awesome that you start with a clean slate every show. I mean in what other kind of job does it not matter at all what you did just an hour before? “Oh so you lost a 5 million-dollar account? OK, well go have a few drinks and lets give it a go again when you get back.”

Doesn’t happen.

What I didn’t talk to her about is something I’ve had to deal with more and more recently… and that’s folks who go out of their way to say mean things in print or on the Web. It’s funny, I’ve always enjoyed reading celebrity entertainment blogs. But until you’ve had some really evil shit said about you by people you’ve never met and probably will never meet, you can’t really understand the impact that those blogs can have on the folks they’re ribbing. By no means do I mean to suggest that I’m anywhere close to being in the same league as some of the celebs that are talked about ad nauseum on those sites, but even way down here on the Z-list, there are folks who go to extraordinary lengths to say hurtful shit.

I’ve never been an outwardly emotional person, but I think the people in my life that know me well, know that I am affected a lot by those things. The more and more these incidents happen, the easier it becomes to deal with it. But there have been times when I’ve been brought to tears by something an anonymous poster wrote on a blog or a message board or a Youtube page.

Comedy, or maybe I should say the entertainment industry as a whole, has helped me to thicken my skin. Learning to hear and accept “No.” or “You’re not ____ enough.” or “You’re too ____” and not take it as a personal insult or an attack on your character can be tough. But I’m thankful for the lesson.

My friends are quick to call these writers and posters ‘haters’ and while I think that’s true (You see me… Hi hater), they’re also motivators. Sometimes when the comment won’t allow me to just ignore it, instead of responding with what my sarcastic comedic instincts beg me to write, I just post a simple “God bless you too.” or “Thanks so much for sharing your opinion.”

Katt Williams said it best I think:


E

Priority Shift

Published July 22, 2008 in BOOOOOO!, I couldn't make this stuff up, i hate it, lesson and sometimes I'm a loser. 0 Comments

So I just got back from a great week at the Funnybone in Virginia Beach. I did a little shopping, a little relaxing, worked with great people in a great room, and the check cleared. You can’t ask for much more.

Also while I was down there, I re-evaluated and re-ordered the must-have characteristics I need in a potential mate.

Here’s the background: Thursday nite after the show I went back to the comics’ condo, which is a very neat, very clean garden style unit. But because its a garden apartment, the front door opens right to the outside. I put the key in the door and then realized that there was a huge flying/hopping ’croach’ thingy (wasn’t sure if it was a cricket or a roach) on the door. I totally freaked because I am paralyzed by bugs. Anyone who knows me well already marvels at how I was able to live in that little basement apartment in the hood for 8 years.

Tylenol PM and Benadryl is how. You’re not worried about croaches when you see unicorns…. But I digress.

I literally was so tired and buzzed all I wanted was to crawl in the bed. But I was frozen. I called the headliner who is a friend of mine and was like, “Could you stay on the phone with me until this croach dies?” He humored me for about three minutes. We talked about how if hell was a personal hell customized for each of us what would be in each of ours… And we determined that mine would be full of croaches and other pests, octopus/pi or anything else with tentacles, that scene from the Matrix when they put that tracker thing into Neo’s belly would be playing on an eternal loop … and there would be black olives everywhere … I HATE black olives.

After he wished me well and got off the phone I still couldn’t go in. It wasn’t a matter of just opening and closing the door really quickly… because I didn’t know if it was a cricket or a roach. How fast was it? That’s need-to-know info. Because where it was positioned on the door if I opened the door it was literally going to BE inside… What to do?

So I called my buddy Dawan. He’ll humor me I thought… Plus he’s in LA so its not so late. He talked me thru it. Told me to break off a piece of the crepe myrtle outside and brush it off the door. But just as I pulled the branch, he was like, “Make sure there’s no bugs on the branch.” I threw it and screamed. I hadn’t thought of that…

Eventually he convinced me to pick up the branch and brush the croach off the door. I did it and I exhaled… but then it ran back to the door at lightning speed.

Roach for sure.

Finally after a while I was so delirious, I just held my breath and chanced it. I got in, shut the door behind me and stood still for like 10 seconds to make sure it didn’t make it in. I was safe.

It wasn’t til then that D laughed at me and said how rich we would be if I had been recording the incident. We’d be Youtube stars. He’s a good friend. The best… But it got me to thinking… ‘Croach killer’ was not on my list of must-haves in a man. Stability, trustworthiness, great sense of humor… All those things are great. But no matter how much I love you, we can’t both be standing on the sofa scared of a damn spider… I need to add it to my list and move it towards the top.

So thanks Virginia Beach for the much-needed priority shift, and the new bit ;)

How did you get into comedy?

Published July 7, 2008 in awesome stuff, i heart it, lesson, live your dream and motivation. 1 Comment

It’s a pretty standard question every comic has answered at least a couple hundred times. ;) I was interviewed recently and got the chance to really reflect on it. And while I can cite tons of influential experiences and people (seeing Cosby live at the State Theatre in New Brunswick when I was in junior high, the Robert Townsend specials me and my cousin Mel used to sneak and watch in the middle of the nite, my Uncle Carl making me tell him a new joke every time I saw him, living with my Dad, who is quite possibly the most undercover silly person on the face of earth), there is one thing in particular that really set the wheels in motion…

About 5 years ago, I was seeing a pretty awesome guy. And one night we were on the phone having that “what would you do if you could have any job in the world” conversation. I won’t say what his was because I think he visits here from time to time and I don’t wanna have a fight on my hands ;) But I remember telling him that I would love to be a comedian. And instead of laughing or dismissing it, he asked me if I had ever tried it. At that point in time, that was just a ridiculous question to me. TRY it? No way! I don’t know how to be a comedian…

But then he was like hey, it’s not like you want to be an astronaut or something. You can do this. He asked what I was scared of and I remember saying, “What if I go somewhere and try comedy and I’m awful and people I know see me there? I’ll be so embarrassed.”

So the next day while he was at work, he went online and researched open mics in Baltimore. He sent me a bunch of listings and was like, we’ll go to Baltimore. You won’t know anyone, and if you stink we won’t tell anybody.

Sounded like a plan to me. But we never got that far. For reasons I won’t go into, he and I grew apart, but before we went our separate ways, I found (or he found and sent to me — I’m not 100% on this part anymore, but I like to think he found it ;) an ad for a stand-up comedy workshop at the DC Improv. I signed up for it and remember being so excited when I called to tell him. At the workshop I met and bonded with three other aspiring comics, one of whom — Dawan Owens — has since become one of my best friends on the planet. We didn’t really pick up much in the 1-day workshop but it was enough to have met each other and have other like-minded folks to bounce ideas off and encourage each other. After about a month of weekend writing sessions Dawan, another new comic named Ron, and I went to our first open mic. And the rest is history…

Nearly 5 years later ‘he’ has never been to a show, but whenever I do hear from him, he’s always super enthusiastic about my career… I’ll always be grateful to him and it just goes to show that you never know who might come into your life and change its direction. And you never know what you might be good at if you never try. All you can do is try to be open to new possibilities.

Live your dream.

E

I am not a steak

Published July 4, 2008 in i hate it, lesson, long way to go, tell us how you really feel and they're not all gonna be funny. 2 Comments

not-a-steak1.gif

A comedian friend recently told me that his favorite thing about being a comedian is that there is “no front office.” No single authority figure. No one person who holds your career in their hands.

But that can sometimes be a double-edged sword. I mean there’s something to be said for having superiors, filters — shit let’s be honest… someone to whom you can pass the buck. If I worked for Hoover and I sold you a vacuum cleaner that didn’t work, I feel for ya, but it ain’t my problem. Call corporate. If you order a steak and it’s not to your liking, you can send it back to the kitchen…

But comics are not steaks.

Or vacuums.

In an industry where, not only is the product you’re selling intangible and subjective, but *you* are actually the product, being a one-man/woman company isn’t always glamorous. If I sell you *me* and you decide after the transaction has taken place that you didn’t like me, what recourse do you or should you have? It’s not like I can offer to go backstage, come out and do the the show again… And it’s likely you wouldn’t ask me to even if I could.

I recently performed at an event where nearly two weeks later the event coordinator contacted me to tell me that the organization was totally dissatisfied with my performance. I’d been paid (AFTER the performance — mind you, sans complaints). Check cashed. To revisit my earlier metaphor, the entire steak had been eaten, but the diner still wanted to send it back. I was literally asked to cut the organization a check for the difference between what I was paid and what I felt I deserved. Yeah, really. I’m surprised my pride even allowed me to type that last sentence, but I did it to illustrate my point.

Most folks outside of the industry don’t have a clear understanding of all the things that impact the dynamics of a show… Format. Flow. Energy. Venue setup. It’s why people don’t understand why you can’t just tell them a joke on command at a 4th of July picnic and have it hit the same way it would in a club.

“Yeah we’re gonna put you up right after dinner has been served and have you do 15 minutes… Then we’re going to have our director come up and talk about how contributing to cancer research can greatly improve the quality and reduce loss of life… and then we just need you to do a tight 5 to close the show out.” Word? This incident is actually not the one this blog is about… but this happened as well. Strangely I did really well at the cancer fundraiser, but it was in spite of the format.

Anyway, when the show organizer called me up it was literally my worst comedy experience ever. Of course as a comic I know that there will never be a time when everyone enjoys your show equally. But just the suggestion that I send them back money based on what I felt I deserved made me boil because I had charged them a lot less than I normally would have based on the nature of the event. My pride puffed up and I told him he could have the entire check back. I was pissed, not just at the request, but at the manner and tone in which it was presented and the fact that the issue was not brought up until so far after the event. I handled the call with all the professionalism I could muster, but it was the angriest I’d been in years. I WISH I’d had someone else to field the call… Continue reading ‘I am not a steak’

Country clubbers don’t get ‘poor’ jokes and the basketball players didn’t have dads

Published March 15, 2008 in AWWWK-ward and lesson. 1 Comment

Pt. I

Yeah, so I was in Jackson, Michigan over the weekend–not to be confused with Jackson, Mississippi. At all. Ever. Jackson, Michigan is the birthplace of the Republican Party… and the birthplace of Tony Dungy. Right… Anyway, I was performing at a country club, which turned out to be a pretty sweet gig. The audience was cool — nice mix of young rich people and old rich people. But they were all rich. Or rich as far as I’m concerned. Haha… I was doing a bit where I talk about looking at my checking account balance online and seeing parentheses around the number and initially thinking, “Oh how cute, they put a smiley face by my account balance!” and then realizing that it meant I was in the negative… And when I hit the punch I got nothing. Not so much as a chuckle. Until I explained the joke. “See parentheses mean you’re poor. You’ve heard of poor, right?”

Comedy Rule #1: Know your audience.

Continue reading ‘Country clubbers don’t get ‘poor’ jokes and the basketball players didn’t have dads’

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