Ummm, can someone please explain to me why I got an AARP card in the mail?
No seriously, is this some kind of joke?
“Make the most of life after 50?” Yeah, I’ll be sure to do that. In 20 years.
Boo hiss. I’m so confused.
Did someone steal my identity? Who thinks I’m 50? Are they trying to tell me I need to retire? I need a drink.
So I went to CVS this afternoon — my first time in a store since the New Year. And for all my online complaining, I totally forgot about the city’s new shopping bag tax. I bought a quart of Listerine and a water pik and when the cashier asked me if I’d like to buy a bag, I reflexively answered, “NO!”
Because the principle of paying for bags just seems ridiculous to me. Sure I had more stores to visit and I looked like I just boosted half the oral hygiene aisle… but I was proving a point to the DC City Council (via a cashier none of them will ever meet who probably laughed her ass off when I left the store).
Exhale.
I recognize that this measure is supposed to help the city become greener and raise money for the cleanup of the Anacostia River — both good things. I just do not heart it. That being said, I’ll either be going out real soon to buy some large reusable bags or I’ll be bringing my own ‘lightly worn’ plastic bags (I’ve been stockpiling them for years) with me when I shop. Because my little protest accomplished nothing except for making me look a hot damn mess.
I’m learning to pick my battles. Haha, and there’s nothing I can do about this.
OK, so I have some new t-shirts available on the site. But I realized that if someone visits and hasn’t seen my act in recent months, they may not fully get the t-shirt. So here’s an explanation and hopefully a nice weekend LOL for you. This is one of my favorite jokes these days and it’s followed in the act by a whole host of other examples of people that I hope don’t make it. Come out and catch a show sometime and laugh at my political incorrectness. I’m the one that’s gonna be judged for it — so don’t feel bad. ;)
OK, I used to work in digital marketing… I understand contextual advertising, keywords, and cookies. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t wanna throw my computer out the window when my Facebook account asks me if I would like to meet ‘other chubby singles.’
That’s it — no more blogging about bad dates. And also no more shopping at lanebryant.com.
I’d rather attach myself to one.
I got the following e-mail in my inbox last nite:
Oooooooh, KRAZ E — sounds appealing! And for free, no less? Glad I opened it because this is my last day…
Get out of my life eHarmony.
So yeah… I told you all about my ‘experiment’ with eHarmony a few weeks ago… If you haven’t read that entry I highly recommend you do so. It’s sort of a companion piece to this one. They keep sending me matches even tho my 3 month subscription has been over. I never open the e-mails — if I had I would have seen how easy it is to stop the e-mails — but this one I had to open. Here’s what was on the inside:
Exhale…
So this website believes that I am highly compatible with a person who uses “Kraz E” as a moniker on a matching site? WORD? At first I thought maybe it was accurate because anyone who would do such a thing must also be a comedian… But then I started to get a little pissed — do they just start sending effed up matches to people who quit them? Are these just sour grape hate darts — the Internet dating site equivalent of a schoolyard dozens battle (“Yeah, well that’s why yo’ mama…”)
Fa real, eHeezy, you’d like to intoduce me to Kraz E? Well, I have no desire to learn more about this person. And certainly not NOW with an exclamation point (!) Booooo Friggin Booooo!
Kick rocks eternally.
On Friday I had my very own ‘who gon’ check me boo’ moment. I was seriously sitting in my hotel room thinking: “What ever happened to customer service?…”
Why? Check out the Facebook status below for the short version:
click image to see all the status comments
Here’s the thing: I know it was a small thing to be upset about, but my anger was borne out of the extremely poor customer service — not the fact that I didn’t have any batteries. My feet work. I could (and did) change the channel manually. But I could tell that this guy had just decided he didn’t want to help me. Because he was an asshole. And that pissed me off. This douche told me that he couldn’t swap my remote control out because if they filled the rooms that were currently unoccupied, then when those people came they wouldn’t have batteries.
WTD?!?!?!? I’M HERE NOW! What the hell do I care whether people who may or may not decide to come to your hotel have a working remote control if and when they arrive? Why aren’t you equally concerned with a customer who’s already in your establishment? Send someone up the street to the CVS and buy some. At least pretend that you’re trying to accommodate me.
I called and went out to the front desk a total of 4 times. I couldn’t believe I was even having this conversation, but I wasn’t willing to let it go. On the way to the show that nite, I told the adviser at the school that I was playing that evening what happened so he’d know how his money was being spent…
He apologized, promised he’d call them about it, and gave me some batteries to take back to the hotel.
I took them with me when I left. Continue reading ‘Dear Homestead Suites in Auburn Hills, MI: You suck. Sincerely, me’
Well…
I’ve been to my two NFL games for the season so this week I was back at Rhino Bar in Georgetown to take in the game with a couple hundred of my best compadres…
I brought my friend and neighbor Toiya with me. She’s a Dallas fan and I explained to her that she’d be walking into the belly of the beast, but she still wanted to go, so of course I obliged. It was like bringing my own little mini-game to the game ;)
Me and Toiya before things got ugly
The woman sitting next to me at the bar was drinking her beer with a straw. After a few swigs, I couldn’t take it. There was a small group of us around her (men and women) who were just staring at her, and before long we decided she needed an intervention. Come, come girlfriend…
As a woman who loves both football and Yuengling I tried to explain to her that her actions were a poor reflection of ‘our kind’ and would only serve to further the stereotype that women don’t take sports — or beer — seriously. She didn’t surrender completely, but she agreed to use a smaller straw — more like a cocktail straw — which actually made the whole thing worse… But I watch A&E and I’ve learned that sometimes it takes 2, 3, maybe even 4 or 5 times to get thru to someone that needs help.
If I see her there next week I will try again. Because I care about people. Continue reading ‘PHI 16, DAL 20′
Last Thursday I was in the Charlotte airport and this guy — THIS GUY — was riding the moving sidewalks facing backwards, essentially staring me dead in my face. It was the spookiest thing ever. We got off one sidewalk and he turned forward to walk to the next one. But when he got on the next one, he turned right back around and looked at me… So I took my camera out and took a photo of him just as blatantly as he was staring at me.
You may be wondering what he did next… Well I’ll tell you what he DIDN’T do — and that was turn around. Weirdest sh!t ever. I hated this guy. And so I wanted to share him with y’all. ;)
Ok, so I know you regular readers are way familiar with my blogs about my Worst Date Ever. Ever (read pts. I and II). Well today, I come to tell you about the worst date I never went on. I’ve never written about something like this so soon after it happened — I usually wait for the heat to die down ;) But I couldn’t hold this one in… My hope is that if the other party in this situation comes across this, he’ll be too embarrassed to make a big deal about it…
Exhale.
Here’s the basic back story: About 2 months ago I was encouraged by a close friend to join an internet dating site. Admittedly disillusioned with dating in general and extremely wary of online dating specifically, I had some reservations. But in the end, I figured what could it hurt? I have a closet full of dresses and nowhere to wear them. Maybe it was time to meet some new folks… I was pretty passive about it — instead of checking out the matches I was sent, I just waited to see if anyone would contact me…
A few weeks ago, got a communication from a perfectly decent-seeming person. We exchanged e-mails thru the site for a while and then eventually thru Facebook. Seemed to be an intelligent guy with a good job, he was very handsome… Yesterday he sent me a message on Facebook asking if I’d like to meet. So I suggested that we meet for coffee or drinks somewhere… and here is the response I got:
WTF? Was this dude serious? He doesn’t have that kinda time? Are you dying of a fatal disease? Continue reading ‘The worst date I never went on’
Thanks of course to BFF Angi who worked for the NFL until last winter, I was able to score great tickets to Monday’s game in DC. I had seats on the 100-level. 4th row on the 30-yard line. FAN-tastic!!!
Brought my sports and home repairs boyfriend Kenny with me. This is beginning to become a regular yearly date for us. I think this is year 3. The game started with another amazing TD off a return from #10 — that boy is going to be a BEAST. But Brian Westbrook also went down with a really serious concussion in the 1st quarter. It was so scary. He wasn’t moving. Players from both teams were on their knees praying… I was glad to see him be able to walk off the field. But I hope he doesn’t try and rush back before he’s healed. #29 can take up that slack. GET BETTER B-WEST!!! Continue reading ‘PHI 27, WAS 17′
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