I couldn't make this stuff up
Pep Boys doesn’t heart Kobe Bryant
Aug 5th
I saw this sign the other day at the cash register at the Pep Boys not far from my house:
I almost hollered when I saw this... I didn't know Black folks used the word 'tool'
Guess they don’t think so highly of Kobe Bryant in this establishment.
Pep Boys on Marlboro Pike, Forestville, MD. Please shop there.
The end.
Marie Claire chose me and I didn’t even know it
Jul 14th
Well, this brightened up my day… I can’t even lie.
I decided to Google to see what “Bad Date Stories” made it onto the Marie Claire website. You remember that post I did a few weeks back… Well I checked it and as I was scrolling thru the 27 Worst Date Stories article, I saw mine! They didn’t let me know but they posted it. So HOORAY!
And they did a great editing job! You can click the photo for a larger image or click the link below to view it online. I’m No. 4 of 28:
http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/articles/bad-date-stories
Ummmm… did they really print that?
Jul 9th
This is why I love independent, alternative newspapers. No one else (not The Washington Post and CERTAINLY not The Washington Times) would run that headline/cover story. There really is no need to read any further. That headline is the thesis, body, and closing of the article all wrapped into one… And isn’t that what quality journalism is all about?
I can’t lie: I was quite shocked and thought it was a joke when my girl brought it to my attention, but I kinda love that they did this. I just might love the transcripts and recordings of ex-mayor Barry’s voicemail messages a little bit more. Geez Louise… who knew Marion Barry was that crazy? Well, besides everyone…
God bless the City Paper.
From the Blog to the Stage – Haggling with the plumber
Jul 5th
Last Tuesday I had to call a plumber out to the house to help unclog my toilet. Once he left I posted the following Facebook status update:
My dad is totally my haggling hero ;) And I knew it’d make him proud to know I was resourceful in talking the plumber down… When I told him about it, he howled and insisted I turn it into a bit. Which I did this weekend. Here’s how it turned out… Funny because it’s true. ;)
Marie Claire Magazine feels my pain
Jun 25th
In keeping with my recent focus on my terrible dating history (I’m in the process of writing a new chunk of material on it) my friend Dana messaged me on Twitter about an online contest Marie Claire Magazine was holding. They’re looking for readers to submit their worst date stories, and then they’re going to select the best [worst] ones and feature them on their website.
She thought it was perfect for me. And I think maybe she was right. I’ve written about my worst date ever on this blog already, back in 2007. If you haven’t read my “The Worst Date Ever. Ever.” posts or if you need a refresher, you can read Pt. I here. And if you haven’t had enough, here is the conclusion. I submitted it to their site yesterday afternoon, and last nite they posted this on their Twitter page:
YAY! They liked it!!! Glad they could see the humor in my pain. Hopefully, I’ll be one of the top entries and my story will be published on their site… Although that would mean I had one of the worst dates ever in the COUNTRY. Is that an honor?
Maybe not, but it’s par for my life. Exhale…
Innnnnn-appropriate… That’s what you are
Jun 2nd
I was just reading about Kimora Lee’s new baby on a message board where someone had the user name “MSBLKNASTY1″… Which means not only that “MSBLKNASTY” was already taken (you know what they say about ‘great minds’), but that this person was so determined to have that user name that when it came up as unavailable she proceeded to enter additional characters until she got a hit… as if it were her real name. Oh i can’t have ErinJackson? OK, how bout Erinjackson1.
So many questions. I hope she doesn’t find me and wanna fight.
Are you sure that’s not a typo?
May 8th
So I’m on a plane yesterday on my way to Ft. Wayne, IN and I notice this sign above my head:
And you know how you just see a word that just doesn’t look like it’s spelled right?
I stared at it for a good minute before I tapped the woman sitting next to me (a very friendly lady by the name of Karen) to ask her if the word “flotation” was spelled correctly. ‘Cause it just didn’t look right to me. I fly all the time but I never noticed this before. Seems like there should be an “a” after the first “o” like in the word ‘float’. doesn’t it? I don’t believe I’ve ever had the occasion to write or type the word, so it’s not like I’ve been going around spelling it wrong for years… like I did with ‘down pat‘ (I always thought it was ‘downpacked.’ Seriously. Until like 4 years ago. My mom called me out and teased me for days.) Or how I didn’t recognize the word ’segue’ wasn’t spelled phonetically until I read it in context in a book. That one was kind of embarrassing but I figured it out on my own. I didn’t even have to tell you that…
Anyway, long story short, the plane we were on had WiFi, and Karen and I needed to know the answer right then and there, so I got on my iPod Touch and we found out that both “flotation” and “floatation” are acceptable spellings. Which is freakin’ dumb. But you know, whatever. Dilemma solved. But it still looks wrong.
What else is going on?…
- When I got to the Ft. Wayne airport there was a guy handing out sugar cookies. For no reason. Just because it’s the midwest and people are way too nice. He asked me if I’d like a cookie. I told him yes, I’d like four. Tee hee ;) That was just a joke GF’09 is still on track.
- We had a great show last nite. And afterwards, some of the local comics and their friends took me out to a nightclub where the DJ played “Whoomp There It Is.” And it wasn’t a throwback set. He was serious. I don’t think there’s anything else to be said about that.
- We had morning radio today. I didn’t know it was a rock station and I just happened to have on a pretty cool Jimi Hendrix Rolling Stone t-shirt. The DJ had all kinds of Jimi paraphernalia in his studio. He even had a Jimi figurine which I made him take a photo of me with.
No really, I'm this corny
Well that’s about it for now. I’m gonna take a nap before afternoon radio cause my allergies are kicking my butt out here. Have an awesome day!
Airplane Venom, Pt. III
Apr 20th
This edition of airplane venom contains no actual venom from me, rather it chronicles the hate a fellow passenger directed at a smarty-pants flight attendant on an American Eagle puddle jumper from Chicago to Baltimore.
After back-to-back mechanical problems and more than 2 hours on the tarmac, my flight from O’Hare back to BWI had to unload and board another plane. I pretty much slept throughout the whole ordeal so I really wasn’t too upset. I didn’t have anything pressing to do yesterday afternoon, plus I’d much rather deplane because of mechanical difficulties, than have them surface during the flight.
Can I get an Amen?
When we finally got settled on the new plane, the flight attendant, Mo, got on the intercom and said the following:
“Due to the late departure, screwdrivers will be free on this flight.”
You should have seen the faces of my fellow alcoholics passengers light up. Eyes began to water as tray tables came down. Gleeful whispers filled the cabin.
“Are you serious?” someone behind me shouted out.
She responded by giggling to herself as she walked back up the aisle and shaking her head “No.”
Way to take the air of the pressurized cabin, MO!
I thought it was hilarious but there was another passenger behind me who was feeling very “not-so-much-y” — if you know what I mean. “Save the jokes for Southwest, bitch. I just missed a connection.”
I think I stopped breathing for a second. I immediately took out my notebook. I wanted to savor this perfect comedic moment so that I could share it with all of you ;) Don’t fret, the next AV installment will most certainly feature a return to my plane rage. But for now…
You’re welcome.
Good Times: Aren’t we lucky we have them?
Apr 14th
Yeah so I’m cold.
Why don’t you turn on the heat, Erin?
Good question.
The answer: Because I can’t. My condo was refurbished from an old apartment building, so while it’s super cute and all the appliances were new when I moved in, I don’t have central air/heat. We have window units and radiators…
So just open the radiator, Erin.
Again, good suggestion.
My response: I could do that, but no heat would come out. A few weeks ago after a brief warm spell our property management company turned off the heat for the spring. And we can’t turn it on again because we were robbed by our previous property management company and as of right now are working on suing them and replenishing the reserve money they stole from us. In short, we cannot currently afford to turn the heat back on.
Yes, that is very project-ish — especially considering I pay a mortgage and association fees… I should not have to sit in my house with my oven open…
But I’m doing it. And don’t you dare judge me… I’ll clean my oven when I thaw out.
Sure the hat and scarf may be a little overly dramatic — but that’s what I do.
There are other factors contributing to my freezing my butt off and this cold I can’t get rid of. Reasons I won’t get into here. But I have a neighbors who are sick and many of us are wearing full-on winter outfits around the house and to bed (don’t worry about how I know ;). I have to go into the studio tonight and shoot 3 radio segments — I can’t breathe through my nose and I sound like crap. I know I sound like I’m whining, and I don’t mean it to come off that way. I was going more for PISSED OFF!!! Thank goodness for my Snuggies –Â and the fact that my place isn’t very big. When I cook in the summer I often complain about how hot the place gets. Today there are no complaints.
My upstairs neighbor Rafeal laughed at me last week when I told him about my oven warming. He said he hadn’t heard about anyone doing that in years. Sure, I feel like I climbed right out of an episode of Good Times…
(Just looking outta the window…)
But it gets the job done.
Pissed, cold and congested,
E.
What do you mean you don’t have any more washcloths a.k.a. The worst hotel ever
Apr 9th
I knew it was going to be bad when the key to the room was a key…
with the room number engraved right on it.
Convenient if you happen to forget which room you’re in, but not so convenient, as the hilarious Matt Kirshen pointed out, should you forget your key at the bar…
I was at an event where the host hotel billed itself as a “resort.” I beg to differ. $178 a nite for a hotel right out of 1960 and a room with no window, no thermostat, and no bath linens.
Where should I start?… How about the 4:15 check in time. Yes, you read right. I got there a little after 1 p.m. and figured at most I’d have to wait until 2 to check in. Nope 4 p.m. There were tons of other people waiting in the lobby too. I went back to my car and waited.
Then when I finally did get into the [tiny ass] room, it was FREEZING. I immediately started looking for the thermostat, but when I couldn’t find it after a few minutes I called down to the front desk for some help.”Are you in the big room or the small room?” the lady asked me. To which I replied, “I can’t imagine this is the big room, so I’m pretty sure I’m in the small one. It’s freezing in here.” She then went on to explain that the thermostat was controlled by the guests in the larger room attached to mine.
“So we have to agree on whether we’re hot or cold?”
“Well, yes ma’am. But there should be an extra blanket in the armoire.” More >
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