Archive for January, 2009
The ‘Real HU’ at VSP a.k.a. Why am I being so hateful?
Jan 18th
From University of Maine to MY ALMA MATER…
Awwww, HU!!!
Check it out: Howard University merchandise at Victoria’s Secret PINK stores as part of the VS Pink Collegiate Collection. Other HBCU’s included are FAMU, NCA&T, and Southern.
Sorry Hampton [Institute]…
Tee hee ;) Nominate yourselves and maybe you can be in the next round ;)
I can’t say that I love the designs, but I think it’s super cool that we are included. Thanks D for posting about this. How cute! ;)
Man oh Maine…
Jan 17th
Yeah… so I just got back from my show at U. of Maine and despite the -21 degree weather, I really had a good time. There was a pretty nice turnout, they treated me great and I got a cool new lobster shot glass ;) Ha ha… I still collect shot glasses because I am 12 years old ;)
At Logan airport listening to the weather in Maine: -21 degrees
At the Legal Seafood ’substation’ in Logan, the waitresses just give you your own credit card machine to pay for your meal. I had never seen anything like this before. It calculates a 15%, 18% and 20% tip and lets you choose between the three. Um… how ’bout zero %? I just rang myself up at a restaurant.
So... if I'm ringing myself up, do I still have to tip?
While I was eating, I was aurally assaulted by Ashford & Simpson’s ‘re-interpretation’ of their hit song “Solid” entitled “Solid as Barack.” I couldn’t believe Nick and Val went there. Nobody else in the restaurant seemed to be bothered as much as me. I dunno. I just hate to see two of my favorite R&B songwriting icons (Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, I’m Every Woman, Solid, Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing, You’re All I Need to Get By, ) sell themselves out like that.
“Our future’s so ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hot…”
Why’d you do it, guys?… You can’t possibly need the money.
My U. Maine poster
This is my poster from the U. Maine student center and below is a photo of me and some of the students who came out to my show.
They told me they were more Black kids on campus, so I asked "where he was."
The girl in the creme shirt behind me said that we better show the logo on the sofa or no one would believe this photo was actually taken at University of Maine. Ha ha, she was so right ;)
I did something at the end of this show that I’ve never done on stage before, but I might consider incorporating into some more of my college shows. It may have been a one-time/in-the-moment kind of thing, but I got to a part of my act where I asked for some crowd participation — basically for some of the students to talk back to me about some embarrassing things they may have done and no one wanted to speak up. So I suggested that we play the ‘penny game’ from my youth… I say something and then if they’ve done it, they throw a penny at the stage. I said it as kind of an aside/throw away… But halfway thru the first statement change started flying towards the stage.
Hilarious.
And it wasn’t all pennies either. Someone threw nickels and dimes… I kept all the change. But also it made me laugh. Anyway, had a great time, all my flights were on schedule, and there’s less than 24 hours til the Eagles clinch their Superbowl berth. SO excited, can’t wait.
Not unless they pick on me first…
Jan 17th
I spoke with a lady yesterday who was looking to book me for a private event. She asked me tons of questions. Some she asked more than once. It was like that scene in “Menace to Society” when Bill Duke was trying to trip up Caine during the police interrogation…“You bought the bottle of beer at…” But the thing that really blew me was when she asked me if I “pick on Jews in my act?”
“Not unless they pick on me first.”
She didn’t think my response was funny. But I was truly offended and trying my best to make light of it. What, in any of the tape on my site, on Youtube, or in my press kit would cause her to ask if I was anti-semitic? Is there some great animus between 30-year old Black women and Jews that I’m just not plugged into? I grew up in Jersey. I heart Jewish people. They gave us bagels with cream cheese and lox, and Barbara Streisand and Jerry Seinfeld… and two days off of school in the fall for Lord knows what…
Maybe it’s the fact that stand-up is such a personal thing that I feel like someone’s opinion of my comedy is inextricably linked to their opinion of me as a person… but it pains me to have to ’sell’ my act. For me, it’s like trying to convince someone that I’m a good person. And I don’t feel like I should have to do that for anyone. At all. Ever.
My attitude about booking private shows is always — watch all the clips on my site or in my media packet. If you like that, multiply it by 40 minutes and that’s what you’re gonna get. I dunno. I’m just venting. Probably something I need to learn to let slide.
Out.
I don’t even wanna hear about the wind chill
Jan 15th
I have a show tomorrow at the University of Maine. It is going to be 4 degrees.
Johnny Walker ‘Blue’ my mind
Jan 15th
I’ve been a little backlogged with some of the Obama foolishness posts, so there may be a few coming back to back. And thanks you guys for sending this stuff in! OK…Â so let’s start at the end. And by ‘the end’ I mean the ‘end of humanity.’
There is a wine shop in DC that is selling “Obama-Engraved Johnny Walker Blue Label’ bottles.
So YES…
If you’ve been looking for a way to commemorate this historic occasion with a $180 fifth of scotch, here’s your [Dear God I hope it's the only] chance.
Jesus, please be a liquor store fire.
We’re guessing Johnny Walker Blue Label because… blue… Democrats… But whatever the rationale, this is pure foolishness.
PHI 23, NYG 11
Jan 12th
What can I say?
I was hoping this wouldn’t be my last Eagles blog for the season. And my boys did not let me down. We are exactly where the Giants were last year. 1 win away from the big one. Wow!
Being from Jersey, I know tons of Giants fans, but yesterday and today weren’t nearly as fun as I’d hoped. I had planned to talk lots of smack, but nearly everyone was super gracious. I actually had several Giants fans e-mail and text “Congratulations.” I know, right?… I didn’t realize my friends and family were such good sports … That’s no fun.
My friend Kenny (below) was not one of the people who called with congrats. He was pretty bitter. This is what Kenny wore thru most of the game.
But with about 2 minutes left in the fourth quarter he took off his jersey and switched into a Georgetown Basketball t-shirt. Some fan…After the game was over, he tried to kick me out of his house.
This is me trying to hold my ground.
You’ll notice that I don’t have my Eagles gear on, but that’s because I need to do laundry. I still wanted to feel like I was suited up so I grabbed the only other green and white t-shirt I have. Not exactly NFL apparel but it did the job ;) … And of course I had on my dog tags.
I am so gassed about next week! Bring on them Cardinals!!!
Record: Headed to the NFC Championship Game
Et tu, B & J?
Jan 10th
So… if you hadn’t heard already… for the month of January Ben & Jerry’s has changed the name of their famous Butter Pecan ice cream to … wait for it… “Yes Pecan.” I can’t be mad because the proceeds are at least going to a good cause that actually has something to do with politics and Barack Obama … But really.
Really?
Thanks Jenny for sending this on!
Thank You Lord. Thank You Lord.
Jan 8th
Last nite while I was on my way to Richmond for a show, my car hit a patch of ice and I spun out on 395 South. I spun from one side of the highway all the way across to the other side and back — the whole time doing 360’s. I heard voices in my head telling me to “steer into the spin” but I didn’t know which way that was and all I was doing was making it worse. When the car finally stopped spinning I was facing oncoming traffic and all I could do was cover my face and brace for the impact.
No one hit me.
There were four lanes of traffic headed towards me at freeway speed in pouring down rain and the front car in each lane was able to stop short of hitting me without causing any additional accidents. As things started to back up, the people behind them began to honk their horns. But we all sat there for about 10-15 seconds looking at each other. I stared each of those people in the face before I pulled off to the side of the road and cried.
I was fine. A little shaken up. But alive.
After I gathered myself I had a decision to make. Do I go on to Richmond for the shows I promised a friend I’d be there for? Or do I go home, decompress and meditate on what just happened? I decided to go to the show. God had spared me, and there would definitely be time for contemplation later, but I figured that what I needed to do right then was thank and bless Him, and go on to the show and talk it out on stage. That may sound weird to some folks, but for me it was a no-brainer.
This is me and my friend Bam after the show. Looks like a regular ol' nite, but I assure you, it was not.
I made it to the club just in time for the show, so I only had enough time to change my shirt and finger through my hair before I had to go up. But I’m glad I didn’t have a lot of time. I started my set off by saying, “I’m not sure if this is any way to begin a comedy show…” And then I told them the story. The craziest thing I’ve learned as a comic — and you hear this all the time — is that there is humor in every situation. It really is true. Even in what had just happened to me. I told the audience how as I’m facing oncoming traffic waiting for the blow, my GPS said,“RECALCULATING. WHEN POSSIBLE MAKE A U-TURN.” Obviously I knew I was facing the wrong direction. That got maybe the biggest laugh of my set.
Not that I recommend harrowing, near death experiences as a means to come up with new material, but it happened nonetheless. Today I’m a little sore. A little stiff. Still a little shaken up. And super grateful. Perhaps this is what had to happen for me to make some necessary changes in my life. Humor really is the best gift we were given. Believe that.
Thank You Lord.
E
If Sanjay Gupta’s gonna be Surgeon General…
Jan 7th
Then I think Obama should have just gone ahead and exclusively appointed TV celebrity personalities to his Cabinet. Maybe they wouldn’t be as effective as the people he’s already chosen, but they’d be cuter ;)
P.S. I understand that the surgeon general isn’t a cabinet-level position, but please… play along :)
Sanjay Gupta - Surgeon General
Here’s who else I may have picked to round out the Cabinet:
Judge Joe Brown for Attorney General
Judge Joe don’t take no mess…
Niecy Nash for Secretary of the Interior
She’ll clean things up and make them FABULOUS!
Jackie Chan for Secretary of Defense
He may not be too good at the ’secretary’ part –Â But I’d trust him to kick anyone’s ass.
Xzibit for Transpo Sec.???
or maybe Vin Diesel…
Either way, we got a Black guy in the position (Just admit it, Vin) and we’d be riding in style…
OK, this is getting too silly now… but you get the point. I know Sanjay Gupta is a neurosurgeon… but he’s also a TV ho. Just seems weird to me. Any other cabinet suggestions? Get at me and let me know ;)
Your two cents