Archive for September, 2008
Chattin’ about my worst day ever on my very best day ever
Sep 17th
So maybe it’s a little extreme to say that Monday was my ‘very best day ever.’ I mean my wedding day and the birth of my first and third children should probably be at the top of my ‘very-best-day-ever-ometer…’
Wait… What’s that? I’m single and childless? You are so right…
Monday WAS my very best day ever ever! Here’s the part of the interview where I tell Ellen about my worst show ever. Feel free to laugh at my pain.
Erin & Ellen: An epic blog
Sep 17th
OK guys, I’m gonna attempt to chronicle my entire trip so I’m warning you — this is gonna be an epic. Read some now, come back later for the finale. Really, don’t try to read it all in one sitting — your boss is already looking over your shoulder right now. OK well then the least you could do is open up an an Excel spreadsheet or a MS Word file for quick toggle access in case you get caught … Do I have to do everything around here? Sheesh :)
Here goes…
SUNDAY:
So when my flight got into LAX on Sunday, I headed down to baggage claim and who did I see but my soon-to-be fast friend Steve. He asked me if I wanted him to hold up the sign so I could take a photo, but I told him no worries ;)
There was a really long wait between when we got to the carousel and when the bags were finally loaded so Steve and I spent some time getting to know each other. If you know me you know I like to get to know people and hear their stories — either that or I’m just way too nosey ;) Found out Steve grew up in Manhattan but had been in LA since he was 18. I told him I was from DC and he said that the last time he was in DC was for the March on Washington where Dr. King gave the “I Have A Dream” speech. Steve heard Martin Luther King, Jr. give the speech live. We talked about that some. Then we talked about Barack Obama. Steve was awesome. I wish he’d been the driver for the whole trip.
I stayed with good buddy Dawan Owens who moved out to LA about 2-and-a-half years ago to pursue his comedy and acting career. He’s done great out there and just bought the most adorable little house. The Ellen Show of course offered to put me up in a hotel, but I said “No thank you to that bridge to nowhere…” Oh wait… I mean, I said no thanks to the posh room in a fancy LA hotel. I’d rather kick D out of his bed and make him sleep on the couch ;) This is the part where I should probably insert a photo of this adorable house — but I didn’t take one. Boo for me ;(
After we watered the lawn (damn city condo living, I miss lawns… and being able to wash my car in my driveway) we went to the Hooters in Santa Monica where we had a waitress who totally could have been an SNL character. Think Molly Shannon on crack rock. But I digress… I turned in pretty early Sunday nite. Big day ahead. More >
PHI 37, DAL 41
Sep 16th
Booooo!
Y’all still looked hella good though… Damn NFC East… Exhale.
Record: 1-1
Style & Arts Preview
Sep 14th
Hey y’all! Sitting here watching the Sunday nite late football game at 5:30 (the west coast is weird ;) and I thought I’d post the link to the online version of the Style Preview.
Here goes:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/12/AR2008091200784.html?sub=AR
And here’s the link to my portion of the feature:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/12/AR2008091200784_5.html
Yay!
Blog-jacking: The Ellen Show and The Female Orgasm
Sep 13th
OK, so this is a link to a blog written by my friend Roy who will be coming with me to my Ellen taping. He is a comedian as well, and wanted to (uh…) share his concerns about being a guest in Ellen’s studio. Just to preface, he’s ridiculous ;)…
Click here to read and enjoy. Oh and please be sure to read the comments… Hilarity, I promise ;)
The Ellen Show on Tuesday 9/16 and the WaPo Style Preview
Sep 12th
Hey guys… I just realized that I never posted an entry telling you when I would be on Ellen. Duh. It’s gonna air on next Tuesday, September 16th. I fly out to LA on Sunday and I am super duper excited! If my shirt is a little wrinkled, charge it to my regular dry cleaner who needs two days to press a shirt. I guess I gotta do it myself… My dad is an army veteran and also a clothes horse. When I was younger I used to call him the ‘crease nazi’. Man, I sure could use him now…
Also, if you’re in the DC/B’more metro area, check out this Sunday’s big Fall Arts Preview in the Style section. I will be featured alongside some awesome local artists (dancers, musicians, painters) and patrons of the arts. Can’t wait to see it. We all took individual shots which they will meld into one composite group photo — a’ la America’s Next Top Model. Sounds cool, but I’m a little scared because the reporter I spoke with sent me an e-mail that said, “We have a very funny pic of you smack dab in the middle of the page. Hope you like….” YIKES!
God only knows what that photo’s gonna look like. I predict that my eyes are the ‘very funny’ part. They always are…
Sarah Palin’s Christmas Recitation
Sep 11th
I still remember the recitation I had to memorize for my church’s Christmas pageant when I was 7. Below is an excerpt:
Christmas must have brought
Great sorrow to our God
Because He gave His only son
This sinful earth to trodGod gave this gift to you and me
The gift of His dear son
That we might live forever
When life on Earth is done
Why do I remember it some 20+ years later? Because it was literally tattooed on my brain. I was a high achiever back in those days ;) and my folks definitely had a “you will not embarrass us” mentality. I spent countless evenings in the kitchen holding my wooden mixing spoon/makeshift microphone while I listened to my mom read the speech to me over and over until I knew it by heart. Haha… kinda like how I memorize my jokes now. ;)
I imagine that a similar scene is going on within the McCain-Palin camp as they prepare to send old girl out on the campaign trail solo. I totally have this mental image of her standing in my parents’ kitchen reciting her talking points until they’re perfect – complete with the same “you will not embarrass us” dictatorial overtones I was subjected to. Only my mom is replaced by Karl Rove and there’s a moose head hanging over the stovetop.
I’m looking forward to her “interview” with Charlie Gibson tonite. I can’t for the life of me figure out why so many people find her appealing — people who differ with her views in very substantive ways. It’s like a lifelong bigot who finds himself in an interracial relationship… “Yeah, well forget all that crap I’ve been spewing for decades. YOU’RE different.”
I don’t get it.
I cant wait to hear her new talking points — not because I’m interested in what she has to say — but because (and I hate to admit it) the evil spin genius of the Karl Rove Machine is kind of intriguing to me. I’ve been feeling kinda let down over the past week and half because she’s just been sampling from that convention speech — bitch is worse than Puff Daddy. They have her programmed so well — every time I see a clip of her on the stump I can’t help but be reminded of Vicki the robot-child from “Small Wonder.”
Switch it up a little… Damn. But I know they’re not gonna send her off solo without some new ish and I wanna be tuned in so I can see just how dumb these Repub strategists think the rest of us are.
Guess that’s enough partisanship for the morning. Back to the funny soon, I promise ;)
E
My big fat Greek boobs — well not mine… per se
Sep 10th
My friend Angi is a new mother who’s recently returned to work at her oh-so-fabuous job in the front office of an NFL franchise — which she CAN’T EVER QUIT, justin case she was thinking about it!!!! She was so fond of my evil popcorn haiku that she asked me to ghostwrite a haiku for her about breast pumping at work. Not exactly sure why… she’s just super random ;)
I have zero first-hand knowlege about breast pumping as I am myself, childless, but I’m willing to give it a go. I have a pretty good imagination. It’ll be kind of like I’m a rapper who grew up in the suburbs writing about how thugged out he is. Feel free to request a haiku of your own. Here goes ;)
Breast milk in the fridge
Everybody knows it’s mine
I feel like a cow
Pumping at my desk
Sorry you had to see that
You should learn to knock
How’d I do, Ang? You should print this out and put it up in your office next to your ‘Footprints’ plaque ;)
Either the meanest thing or the funniest thing ever…
Sep 7th
So if you were watching football on FOX at all today, there was no escaping the “Hole in the Wall” commercials. This ‘human tetris’ show that has apparently been a hit in tons of other countries is now coming to the U.S. Another reality game show for which there is no real way to prepare, the funniest part of this show appears to be the reactions of the folks when they see what type of hole they’ll have to fit thru. I feel like there’s no way some of these people could fit thru the spaces allotted for them. I mean, shouldn’t they at least have a chance?
I received 4 phone calls today asking if I had seen the preview for the show where there is a puffy woman who has a memorable reaction (Oh CRAP!!!) when she sees that she’ll have to fit into this one particularly awkward, and obviously impossible shape. I found another clip on Youtube where someone taped the commercial so it’s posted below. But I can’t tell if it’s really, really funny or the meanest thing I’ve ever seen. As a puffy girl myself, I feel kinda bad for her. But again, no one forced her to try out. Would I be willing to exploit myself that much for 15 seconds of fame and some prize money? (ahem, ahem… ‘asks the girl who just competed on Last Comic Standing’ — yes I see the irony). Are you gonna/did you watch the show? And if so, what’s your take?
Yeah you’re right. It’s pretty damn funny.
Your two cents